Longing to belong
This writing is an example of what we learned from a particular constellations process in 2017 when we explored the theme of “Belonging”:
There is a deep longing at the heart of be-longing, which is the longing to be, just to be, but fully. To be fully here and fully me. It takes courage, so much courage.
Here’s the challenge because to be-fully-me there’s such a myriad of inner voices and conditionings to overcome, or perhaps simply be with differently (because these parts are part of us and will be part of me, so ‘overcome’ may be a laugh, really). Maybe it’s not a laugh if taken seriously: overcome as coming-over, crossing like a bridge over the chasm of our grappling, across the memories of old, through what is lodged in the body, down to cellular level, via the endlessly cycling mind, beyond the monkey chatter of critical voices may lie that place I long for, that place called home.
Perhaps this process of journeying with the limiting factors and voices and the ancestral binds, this taking all those parts, taking all of me across this bridge and coming over is the heart of connecting to more of myself, to meet my soul. At the core of the longing, on the bridge I meet the edge, the inevitability of my heritages, the possibility of transcendence.
Two samurai warriors facing a standoff on a bridge, swords drawn. They know that moving as far as a millimetre they will take the other down. Or they will be taken down. Who may be faster? They stand for a long time, assessing the strength, might and courage of the other. Finally, in one smooth motion, as if one body, both lift up their hands and put the sword away. They bow to one another and cross, passing silently midway, complete equals, nodding honour.
Both could be dead now, who made the choice, does it matter?
Longing to be fully me, longing to be part of humanity, part of life, part of the community of all living beings – all this is tied to the longing that this be enough. That existing, each moment and what it takes, as this person, in this body, in this place, on this land, with its context and its challenges and joys, is enough.
Belonging then is an experience of the senses, embodied sensation.
As I intimately engage with the world around me I can land in this being enough.
Being here – as me – is enough. When I drop into this, I am home.